I would love to blame it on Youtube, the internet, or ‘kids these days.’
There are a whole lot of great teens and pre-teens out there. They are inherently good, respectful, and mature. Some of them have been catching me off guard lately. They have mouths on them that our grandparents would have washed out with soap. What’s troubling is that they swear on the ice, in the dressing room, and in front of coaches not even realizing what they are saying, or that it is inappropriate. Just this week I have interjected 3 times when kids have sworn right in front of me. They have seemed confused, surprised, and have even denied it! I don’t remember having the guts, or perhaps the ignorance, to swear in front of my teachers and coaches.
Wouldn’t it be easy for me, as a coach and leader, to blame it on their peers, their surroundings, the internet, media, and of course Youtube? Yesterday something dawned on me. One player, who I know very well, who looks up to his coaches, and accepts constructive criticism and feedback quite well had a great excuse for his poor language. “My other coach doesn’t mind when I swear.” Through a lack of consistent messages, he’s been told it’s fine. Or maybe he doesn’t know one way or the other, but the lack of clarity seems to suggest it’s fine.
What Can I Do?
- I could find all his coaches, teachers, parents, friends, and influencers in his life and tell them we are going to change our approach. Wait a second, no I can’t. That is not realistic.
- The only person I can control is myself. If over communicating clarity is one of the key foundations of being a great leader, then I have to do a better job setting expectations for the kids I coach.
- They need to know, every day, every practice, what is appropriate, and what is not.
- If I get upset every time I hear bad language, my head might explode, so rather I need to deliver the message, day in, day out, with poise, patience, and confidence.
- The players I coach need to know what we tolerate, and what we don’t.
By over communicating clarity, maybe I really can be the positive change I want to see in the world.
As a Middle School teacher, I couldn’t agree with you more, and I couldn’t be more proud that you have chosen to speak out on this topic. I think as a whole, we (adults, teachers, parents, society) tend to think that we are steamrolling in the direction of a new world order where swearing is the norm, where disrespecting adults is the norm, where disrespecting ourselves and our peers is the norm and that we are powerless to do anything about it. Have we forgotten that children learn by example, and that when they hear adults swear, when they watch movies and listen to music lyrics full of profanity, they believe that profanity is an acceptable form of communication? How has it not been communicated that the language we use creates an instant impression of who we are? Occasionally, I slide into a state of disappointment and despair. And then I realize, that of the students I teach, the majority would never dream of exhibiting such displays of disrespect. They may experiment occasionally by mimicking language that is familiar to their ears. But when called to task for such behaviour, most know that they have pushed the realm of acceptability to the outer limits. Those who don’t have unfortunately not had strong role models who teach by example. Thank you to the parents, teachers and coaches who are vigilant in remembering what powerful role models they are, and thank you to the parents, teachers and coaches who continue to believe, “Not on my watch!”
This is one of the reasons weve taken a break from hockey as we have experienced first hand coaches that do nothing when players swear. Its disrespectful to the game which continues to get bad press. Im really glad you wrote this because its consistent with how you deliver the hockey experience : with fun and integrity. So refreshing to read and the richmond hockey associations could stand to learn about how to improve this as ive never seen an article written about it implying indirectly that they dont take the issue seriously. Atom players on all of the top teams that ive seen drop f bombs at will to other players, referees, and coaches.
David thanks for taking the time to comment. Seems like we need to take the game back from the characters out there who have made this ok!
Keep it up Nate! Persistence is key. No need to get uptight, just keep pointing out how poorly the profanity reflects upon themselves and their family. Each. And. Every. Time.
Thanks for this one Nate.. My kids other coach doesn’t mind if he swears what’s worse is; he swears like a trucker himself both on the ice and in the dressing room. The disrespect that has become common place amongst the players towards one another has frustrated my son’s mom and I to no end. This has led to bullying of other players, poor sportsmanship penalties and a overall negativity throughout the players and parents alike. I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve said to my son; “Would Nate allow that?” Thanks for reinforcing it here.